Last night was my friend Cherea's bachelorette party. I forgot about it completely and was somewhere else when her sister Leslie called demanding to know where I was at. I was so embarrassed! The 17th just crept up on me. This was also my first week back to full time, so maybe that had something to do with it too. The party was fun! We did a scavenger hunt. I had to serenade some poor guy working at fazoli's, so I made sure to sing loud enough to embarrass him! As I was leaving I heard someone say "awww". They must have thought I was a singing telegram or something. We also had to do a chinese firedrill, which I had never done before, but was fun! We would have won, but we passed the road back to Julie's house and our opponents, who were right behind us, didn't.

Leslie and I were able to have a relly good talk last night. I was always closer to her older sister Penni, but Leslie and I have shared some of the same experiences which give us a kind of common ground. Besides, she is now part of my TM family having graduated from the Honor Academy. It was so good to be able to talk to Leslie because we could laugh about the same things, complain about the same things, and encourage each other. I really hope I can be there for her so she can have a better experience coming home than I did. It is complete culture shock and extremely difficult to deal with even though the leadership prepares you for it. It is sort of like a death inside. It is interesting because Leslie is explaining to me how she is feeling leaving all her friends she's become so close to, coming back to a dead, dry place in comparison with the Teen Mania world ( sort of like a still pond in comparison with a rushing river), and I can remember exactly what that felt like. I don't feel it anymore because I've moved on and made new friends and grown new roots, but I remember it clearly all the same.

She talked about how difficult it is to watch Cherea get married and sing in her wedding when she has no one and is coming back to a place where there is no one. I said "welcome home". I feel a bit the same aobut my little brother getting married. He is getting to experience all the things that I hope for and as the oldest thought I should experience first: His own house, marriage, a cute puppy! Instead I am still at home, trying to finish college. I know what I'm doing is wise because it is setting myself up for success, but somedays it feels like "success" will never come. That I am doing it all in vain. I admitted to Leslie that I have practically given up even hoping for these wonderful things because all I have ever known is disappointment.

Then I mentioned that maybe it isn't really worth hoping and waiting for. Maybe we're making it into such a big thing and its not really worth it. Maybe it would be better to have adventure, to travel to other countries, to preach the gospel and die in a blaze of glory. Then, I felt the still, small voice of the Lord reminding me that to obey Him is better than sacrificing my life for Him. It is better for me to still myself before Him, to submit to His ways than try to make something exciting happen in my life. To brush aside all the lies of the enemy, I must speak the truth that God's ways are higher than mine and He does care for me. I HAVE to trust Him because He's the only one of us that can see. I have to blindly trust him in this season of my life. If that isn't adventure, I don't know what is! He has never failed me in anything in the past and it wouldn't make sense that He would start now. I love Him and have comitted my life to Him, and that includes the times when I don't understand and I can't see.