I'm Back!

It was hard getting up a little earlier for service this morning! For the last month I've gone to an 11:00 service. It was nice to see everyone again. Yes, I'm back at Oak-Crest. I led the worship this morning and it was a much different experience than I was expecting.

For the past month I have been just worshipping my face off at a church that really waits on the Lord during the song service. I really prayed this morning before going that God would give me grace and anoint me. During the third song -it was a really worshipful breakthrough song- I looked around at the people, which as a wordhip leader you have to know where the people are at as well as worship for yourself, and most were just standing there and some were yawning. People were not really entering into worship. I think the Lord must have, at that moment, showed me what his heart felt like because I suddenly felt so sad and grieved in my spirit that people were not truly worshipping the Lord. How hurt God must have felt. If we only knew the cost of worship, the cost that he paid for us - we would not be able to hold ourselves back. At that, I almost dropped my mic and walked off the stage. It was all I could do to keep singing. I just wanted to weep. When the song ended, I couldn't just let it go, so I began worshipping from my heart crying out to God. What I was doing was stirring up my spirit and the spirist of those who came this morning. I couldn't even contain myself, it just came pouring out.

I walked off the stage when worship was over still feeling that grief- what I think was the Father's heart. I thought to myself: It is a waste of time, of my time, to come and sing but not enter into his presence. This feeling stayed with me through almost the whole service. After the service two people came up to me and said they were ministered to so much. That it touched their hearts and stirred their hunger for that presence of God. I am so glad they told me that! I told the Lord, when I was 13, that I wanted to be a "sparkplug" for him - to spark a hunger and desire for God in the hearts of others. That is still my prayer and also my calling.