Christian. Yes, Christian. He saved the day last year when Barak left. I convinced Barak of letting Christian play in the band so that he could step in and add more acoustic especially when Barak plays one of his electrics. Barak listens to me. He values my opinion. Christian joined the band. I was happy. Wednesday I wanted to strangle Christian.
I made the effort to call him and ask to pick out songs with him so he could feel comfortable (and for my peace of mind). I drove from Grand Valley to home in a torrential rain storm. I had not eaten and was starving. I got there early, picked out all the songs, then went looking for him. I found him, asked if he was done with the youth band, and told him I'd meet him in the office. He nodded. He never came. I had to be to my brother's house by 9 to watch LOST. I made sure Christian had really left, and then left myself feeling really frusterated and angry. LOST helped take my mind off things for awhile (I love that show).
The next day I spent some time with God. I was struggling with some personal things and then angry with Christian on top of it all. I decided to give it all to God. I can't control Christian or anyone else. I will do a good job but, not because I have Christian, or a great band. Things will go well because I am going to worship God and his presence will show up.
You know, I really love leading worship. It is so much fun. Sure, there are times when it's really hard, and I am just sweating bullets under the heat of the spotlights, but nothing can compare with the anointing I experience, or the Spirit of God as He comes. I have experienced some of the most fulfilling moments leading worship. My entire being is alive and I feel I am doing what I was created to do. Sometimes I worship so hard I think I might explode.
Leading worship is extremely exhausting. Most of the time when I finish I feel competely physically and emotionally drained. I invest so much of myself when I do it. You can imagine then how I might feel when people don't really enter into worship with me. When people do worship it draws out the anointing in me and causes me to worship and sing better than ever. I think that's why I love doing special events like conferences. There is a fresh crowd excited by the "newness" of the worship exerience with us. It's the old crowd that are so used to us that they sometimes forget the reason for and cost of our worship.
Worship, just worship.
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2 comments:
Hey Steph,
I enjoy reading your blog. Anna gave me the address. Cool surf pics.
You had the right attitude when you said "Things will go well because I am going to worship God and his presence will show up." Boy did His presence show up! I haven't experienced God's presence in worship like that in a long time. I heard other people comment the same thing. I love it when the worship team focuses more on worshipping God themselves and less on us. It draws me more into worship.
Say, I don't think I will be able to carpool a week from Saturday. I need to be there earlier and it'd be out of my way to drive south then drive north. We're going to get maps at the sign-up sheet on Wednesday.
Take care.
Thaks colleen for that encouragement! I was so excited that He came. That's why I do it! That's ok if you can't carpool. Those who want to can and the rest can just meet us there. It's going to be fun, I can't wait.
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