Leslie and I went out to Hoffmaster yesterday. She needed to get out and talk. I took her to one of my favorite spots where I go when I need to runaway for awhile. (The other day when I was there I say two fawns and a doe!). We talked and talked and talked until the light of day was gone. I told her not to worry because I know the trail really well. It was dark by the time we got up to leave. We got out to the main trail from the hidden little sand bowl we had been in, when suddenly we heard a loud rustling. We both froze and then relaxed as the sound receded into the surrounding trees. We must have startled a deer, which in turn startled us. You never know when some crazed animal will rush at you. As we left the clearing we were in, I realized just how dark it really was. I don't know what I was thinking. It was really, really dark! We didn't have a flashlight, so we got out our cell phones and the blue light guided us through the woods. Thank God for cell phones! I really don't know what we would have done. There are so many roots and turns in the path. We also talked really loudly to warn any animals that we were coming. The last thing I wanted to do was freak out another deer.

We were almost to the end of the trail and I was sort of thinking in my mind how much farther we had to go (it was almost like being blind even with our cell phones). I thought it was shorter, that we should be there already, and I suddenly lost my bearings. I wondered if we had followed a path that branched to the left (even though I logically knew it couldn't be). I felt the most fear in that moment that I've felt in a long time. It was thrilling! You really don't have to go to far to find adventure!

Leslie and I both agreed this experience brought back memories of ESOAL, a retreat we both did in Texas that was a lot like the navy SEALS. We spent some time wandering through the back 40 in the pitch black. ESOAL was one experience in my life where I could actually taste the fear.

My first week of school went really well. I think I'm going to have a good semester. There won't be too much homework besides projects, fieldwork, and reading. I may be driving out to Allendale five days a week with fieldwork. I was really bummed about that. Gas is expensive!

I saw my girls again this Thursday! Mary could hardly let go of me. They both missed me about as much as I missed them!

God is so good to me. Last night I had practice so I rushed home after my last class, wolfed down some food (almost giving myself indigestion) and sped to the church. Before we started practicing Barak started talking about how we cannot earn God's love, nor earn his punishment. We always think we somehow earn these things by our actions when in reality The Cross has done away with that. God chooses to be reckless with his mercy, but most of the time we insist on living under the law rather than under grace. (Romans, in the Bible, tells us how it works in chapters 6-8 very clearly.) I was listening very intently and almost in tears because of what has been going on in my mind and heart (I wrote a little of it in my last post). He said he has talked to so many people this last week who are struggling with this and just cannot seem to get the concept of God's reckless mercy. One person he mentioned without using their name, but it became aparant that he was talking about this friend of mine. God is so gracious to me to bring me peace and set me on the right path. My mind had been tormented by those thoughts. My prayer is that my friend will be able to recieve God's mercy and find healing. None of us are perfect but, "...the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death." (Romans 8:2) . We need to relax a little more in God's grace and mercy and not be so uptight. We have been given life after all! I would encourage you if you are struggling with sin, and guilt, and failure, which in all honesty we all struggle with, read Romans chapters 6-8 and see if God will lighten your load again!

"The Cross has spoken Mercy over me." (from "beautiful one" -By The Tree)

I hate sin so much! It robs, and kills and destroys. I hate it in myself and in others. We live in such a fallen world. I see it everywhere I look. The effects are devastating. I find myself longing for heaven in moments like these. I keep hearing in my mind, "What can we do about this?" I know the answer is the blood of Jesus, but we still have to deal with the consequences. Much of our problem I think is that we try so hard to meet our own needs and take care of things ourselves. If we would just turn things over to God, we wouldn't struggle so much. I'm so sick of the never- ending struggle.

My heart is sad today because I have seen a friend broken by this struggle against sin. Fallen to the demons that haunt him. I see reflected my own weaknesses and failures and I think to myself, "Is my sin any less devastating than his just because it is not as seen, and felt, and heard?" I think that is what is so hurtful to me. To know that I am no less guilty. To know that my hands are no cleaner. I stand no taller than anyone else. I guess I have no real answers. All I know is that I must cling to the grace of God. There are no answers...but there must be.

My cousin Rebekah (on the left) and I hit the waves of lake Michigan earlier this week. We had such a blast! In September we will be getting bigger waves! To see another picture click on Rebekah's underlined name in the chatterbox to the left. 

Hey everyone! I have had an awesome week. Yes, I went surfing! My crazy cousin and I hit the waves earlier this week. The waves were a little puny, but we had a blast and boarded for a good hour. If you would like to see a picture click on Rebekah's name that is underlined in my chatterbox to the left. Thanks cuz, you rock! I'm going to try snowboarding this winter too. I bought a board and boots and bindings on Sunday. I have a little over $400 worth of stuff that I got on sale for $111.06. In am so stoked!

My modem on my laptop is broke so I need to get it fixed and is one of the reasons I haven't blogged in awhile. I am at Grand Valley right now. I have a 9:30-10:50 math class and then nothing till 3 pm. My math class went really well and I am so relieved! I got to talk with my prof. and she is very nice. Thank you Jesus! I have a long day today. Mondays are my heavy days, ending at almost 10 pm. I had a neat experience just after class. I prayed yesterday and asked God to help me to be more compassionate and give me opportunities to be so. As I was walking down the hall, I noticed a blind girl with her stick frantically feeling the wall and toward the door. I stopped and asked her if I could help. She turned to me with a cell phone to her ear and a panicked look on her face and desperately asked what room she was standing at. I told her and then asked what room she was looking for. She hung up her phone and I told her I would take her there. I watched her panic melt away! I talked with her and let her know the classes were on the left and the offices were on the right. I was so thatnkful to God afterwards because I realized that was an answer to my prayer.

My brother's wedding was wonderful. I sang my song and it went very well. Something happens to me when I sing in front of people. I get a confidence and an anointing that blows my mind. Practice can go terribly but, when it comes time to do it the anointing comes. I caught the boquet! I have never cought it in my life, but at my brother's wedding. I was nearly hysterical with pride and joy. So, I'm next then? I need a bit of lunch. I love you all.

I'm feeling a little tired tonight. I ordered a half a wrap at the yacht club today. I order that more than anything else. Last week I ordered it and a new girl with brown hair took my order. She made me a "smaller wrap" but more than half and charged me a dollar more than I normally pay. I paid because she had made it larger. This week I ordered a half and the girl working with her (who was conferring with her on how to make it) came out with a whole wrap and declared they didn't make them in half. I stared at her open mouthed and said that I had been eating them that way for three years now. The brown haired girl told me they weren't doing that this year although for the past three weeks I've gotten them that way. So I paid a whole $4.50 for a wrap, half of which I could not eat and ended up spoiling while we were at the beach later. I was so upset. It wasn't right. I don't know what is so hard about making half a wrap for a customer.

I have made a covenant to praise God in all things so: Thank you God for this new girl who refused to sell me half a wrap. I thank you that you have brought her across my path. May you bring out of this situation what you want.

I worshipped the Lord in an odd way a few days ago, but I felt the Lord asking me to do it. I worshipped him by vacuuming my room! As I was praying and worshipping, I was looking down at the floor and it was so dirty. I heard a lie that it didn't matter. Then I felt the Lord ask me to clean it for Him, to honor him by doing that - It was worship to Him. As I prepared to vacuum, the Spirit of the Lord came upon me. I began to weep and pray saying, "I will honor you, I will obey you and choose you. I will submit to your ways. I will serve you. I will LIVE for you ( and all that I do in living). I will LIVE for you!"

I realized that His desire is that I live for him. The act of living is worship and honor to Him. Just Living for Him. I wept. I had been struggling with hoplessness and despairing of my life, but He asks that I live FOR Him. I can also see how living, the simple act that I am alive right now, is a disgrace to the devil and he would deceive me into giving up my life.

I got the vacuum and worshipped as I cleaned. Now for the amazing part. The next day my mom and I went to the store to get some blinds for my bedroom window. (One had broken down and I had just a sheet hanging over the window). They were having a huge sale. I got some wooden blinds (which I've always wanted) and some leopard print curtains with a center drape that has a little golden elephant on it. We would have spent $400, but because of the sale we got it for much, much less. I also got one of those cool nets that hang from the ceiling over the bed! My obedience in worshipping the Lord as I did allowed me to be blessed. Not only that, I felt a hope in my heart that I have not felt in nearly 8 months.

My God is a good God and if you don't know Him then you are missing out terribly. He is so REAL. Obedience to Him does not result in death, but in blessing. There is no other way to interpret what I have experienced here.

Two Saturdays ago we had a bridal shower for De'in who is marrying my cousin Bub this fall. Bub has been in Cali for quite awhile now. De'in lives there as well. Rebekah wore a shirt that said "De'in for a day" and opened all her gifts for the video. We made vintage jewelry for her and then called her on the phone so everyone could have a chance to say hi to her. We had been working on the jewelry for awhile when the smoke alarm started going off. Aunt Cathy said, "Why is the smoke alarm going off?" I was sitting next to Rebekah. She turned to me and said thoughtfully, "I hope my room isn't on fire."

"Why? Do you have candles burning?" I asked. (Both her and I are into that). She didn't answer me, but got up and headed for the stairs. Aunt Cath had already decsended and was on her way back up screaming, "Fire! Rebekah, your room is on fire!" Pandemonium broke out. People started running, dumping chips out of bowls to fill with water, grabing the fire extinguisher, running up and down the stairs, and screaming and yelling. I was one of the first to the basement, hot on my cousin's heels. I entered her room and gaped as I looked in the top of her dresser. It was engulfed in flames! Rebekah pointed the extinguisher at the fire. One small pull was enough to put it out. Immediately smoke billowed up and rolled in waves across her ceiling. I stood amazed at this for a moment and then realized we would need ventilation. I ran to the window and began pushing on it. The others were racing to remove the smoldering embers of what had once been Rebekah's candle display. It took a few minutes for the window to slide. Once I had finished that, I raced upstairs for the video camera. I got the tail end of the excitement forever recorded. The smoke was terrible. It was worse than the fire. It burned my throat and forced me to cough. It was intoxicating.

That was probably the most exciting shower I've ever been to! We all agreed. Thank God for smoke alarms. If it hadn't gone off the whole basement would have been on fire before any of us had realized it!

Tuesday, July 19

Today was a crazy day! I cooked a pizza for Mary and I. After about 8 minutes in the Oven, I heard a snapping, exploding noise coming from the inside the oven. I turned and could see a white flashing light through the little window on the oven door. I opened the door and, to my horror, saw sparks and white hot fire near the back of the oven. My panicked mind envisioned the house burning down. I turned the oven off and stood shaking as I watched the fire die out. Thankfully, Mary had been upstairs this whole time getting dressed. I put a note on the oven saying "Do not use!", and heated the pizza in the microwave to warm it up a little more. I stayed late because Ken's case went over in court. He dragged himself in the door and then I broke the bad news about the oven. I left and a couple blocks down my car died! The battery light and brake light had come on a couple of days before, so I wasn't completely surprised. I walked back to the house and again broke the bad news. I called a tow truck and rode Maria's bike down to my car to wait. I had only a little cash on me, so I borrowed the $60 from Ken. Talk about a bad day! It was kind of an adventure though!

Wednesday, July 20

While sitting near the pool while the girls swam, the shop called and told me my car was ready. I was able to take the spare car Ken and Maria keep for such emergencies, so I drove that for a day. It amazes me how much the girls love my little car, my "baby doll". I think they have memories of our summers together in it and that makes it special to them. As we were heading to the yacht club, about to get into the spare, Katie sighed and said, "Oh, this is too hard! I want your car back." Then when we got into the car she said, "Ugh, the smell of this car makes me sick!". I just chuckled to myself. When Ken came home I called the shop and told them we would be by to pick up my car. We all piled into the car and raced there before they closed. My little car was ready. It was the alternator and cost about $196. I was amazed at how perfectly everything worked out with my car. It didn't break down on the way to or from the yacht club when I had Mary. It broke down when I was within walking distance of the house and Ken drove home in the spare because his car was in the shop which enabled me to have a vehicle.

That night there was no practice, but Barak wanted me to help him lead worship for the youth. There were hardly any kids there (most were at camp), but it was fun. I really do love singing and leading worship. Even the hard and stressful times are good. I still feel satisfied even if I've just sweat bullets. It must be the grace of God.

Thursday, July 21

... is just a blip in my memory.

Friday, July 22

I was very lazy this morning. I went for a two mile hike at the state park and communed with nature. Unfortunately, nature was a little violent today! Once I made it to the beach and sat down to rest and enjoy the view, I slowly became aware that there was an unusual amount of bees. Yellow Jackets and Bumble Bees. I quickly got up and "high-tailed" it out of there. In my haste I ran through a spider's web, the center part (I felt it's thickness and heard it rip). It was disgusting! My heart was pounding and my blood pumping. It was wonderful! As terrorizing as it was I would much rather experience that than be bored.

Some time has passed since I last sat and filled you in on the interesting points of my life. Today, however, your suspense will end. (Ahem!). Lessons at the Yacht Club have begun. Mary is in level 3 swimming and Katie is taking sailing lessons again. We had lunch there, and ice cream of course. We stayed for the open swim and tragically my hair has turned GREEN! Yes, I forgot that I recently had some lovely highlights put in. They aren't very lovely anymore. It isn't extremely bad, but bad enough. I think they just have an extremely high content of chlorine in their pool.

It was very peaceful at the Yacht Club this morning. There was a misty fog that shrouded the trees on the other side of the lake and mingled with the light gray clouding in the sky. The tall masts of sailboats anchored in the water swayed in a breeze that tempted them to abandon their posts and set sail. The building itself is just over one hundred years old. The inside is made with wood that still has the hint and scent of the forest that they came from. A white balcony overlooks the docks and pool. The experience left me inspired. It is good to stop and breathe in one's surroundings now and again! Find a moment to do that for yourself today.

Two Sundays have past since I started to lead worship on Sunday nights. It has gone very well, although Christian has abandoned me twice now. Mrs. Hall, my old teacher and friend, has been playing the keyboard for me. She really is wonderful. She only knows older songs though, so we've been pulling out the oldies. I don't mind too much, but it is a little uncomfortable.

Did I mention my hair is GREEN!