Nightmares

The past couple of nights I have woken up with nightmares about giving my Wednesday 40 minute lesson plan. In my dream Sparbeck is there observing me, all the 5th graders are sitting around me, and I don’t have all my materials! Things are going terribly!!

Yesterday, I thought I would write out all my project due dates because I was feeling a little overwhelmed with all that is due and didn’t want to forget anything. What I found was a possible source for my anxiety and stress. Here is what I saw when I looked at my paper:

Project Due Dates:

Nov. 1 – 40 min. ITIP format lesson plan and observation by Field Coordinator.
Nov. 2 - Observation notes and classroom map that I have been collecting and updating.
Nov. 5 – T/A Application
Nov. 6 – Magic Suitcase (theme that covers 3 subject areas w/ materials, and is portable.)
Nov 7 – Peer Reviewed journal #1 (for research project).
Nov. 8 – Student Assessment and Reflection (assess a student and reflect on findings).
Nov. 9 – Shadow Assignment (shadow a student for a day and write up findings) / Peer Reviewed journal #2.
Nov. 14 – Peer Reviewed journal #3.
Nov. 15 – Present results of Lesson Plan to colleagues (w/ demonstration & media).
Nov. 16 – Management Plan rough draft (includes my management style, brochure for interviews, rules and procedures, 1st day of school materials, 50 teaching tips, etc.).
Nov. 21 – Peer Reviewed journal #4
Dec. 1 – Teacher Certification Application.
Dec. 8 – Last day in Field (fifth grade placement).

This list does not include the dates for:
Interactive Bulletin Board (I create a bulletin board in my 5th grade class).
Folio B (a collection of materials and write up)
Folio C (a collection of materials and write up)
Second 40 min. ITIP Format lesson plan and observation.
Final Research Paper.

These either do not have dates attached yet, they’re just coming up soon, or the dates have been changed and a new one hasn’t been given. This list also does not include my regular homework such as reading chapters, answering questions, and weekly journaling (which I just realized I forgot to do again).

The thought that keeps running through my head is: I won't be able to get my hair done this weekend, or next weekend, or next...

MEAPing

We are about to embark upon the 3rd week of MEAP testing. I was DONE MEAPing with my 5th graders on the 3rd day! Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings are taken up by The Test. I put two crackers, a cup of juice, and a mint (which is supposed to be a calming influence) on each desk the morning of The Test. No child shall begin The Test hungry. We want them to perform well. After all, school funding is tied to this test.

The children arrive and we begin with gentle pressure, “Hurry up and finish your snack children!” From there we set the clamp, “Turn of all cell phones and digital devices! Make sure your name is on your test! No talking! I cannot read any part of the test to you, or help you on the test! Begin!” Then the children huddle over The Test in agonizing silence. Every once in awhile some poor suffering urchin will look up at me with pleading eyes, and I will smile a compassionate and encouraging smile, “Just do your best!”

Most unsettling are the children who miss school on Test day, or don’t fill in the bubbles correctly. They must then be taken out of regular classroom time on our off days, Monday and Friday.

There is much hype about The Test. Its core purpose is noble. The children are tested over what they learned the year before so teachers can know what needs to be taught to the students in their class in the current year. Unfortunately, they take so long correcting The Test that by the time the results get back to the teachers the school year is over!

There is also a lot of hype about the scores of The Test. We get nervous about how well students in other counties are doing in comparison with ours. Foreign students seem to be testing better than ours. What we aren’t told is that students in other countries are tracked. This means that at an early age the teachers decide if the students are smart enough to go on to college. If they aren’t, they are put on a vocational track and are never tested. The brilliant students go on to advanced courses and college preparation. They are tested, and these are the scores we are comparing ALL of out children to. We test everyone. We test the emotionally and cognitively impaired for goodness sake! That affects our scores.

Look at the numbers, but be aware of how those numbers are decided upon.

Now as a reward for reading all of that, here are some pictures of my 5th grade classroom:

I sit in the chair next to the overhead to do brain boosters with the kids each morning. Except when we MEAP of course. I write the answers on the overhead as we go over them, and of course a screen is pulled down at that time.




This is the Library corner. As you can see the kids have lots of comfortable seats to choose from.


We started the year with desks in groups. For the MEAP we split them up into rows. We may keep them in rows for the rest of the marking period. Some kids can concentrate better if they're not in groups all the time.



This is the other side of the room, closest to the door.

Dear Friends, Faithful Readers, Family, Passers-by,

I meant to post for you on Monday, or Tuesday. Alas, my good intentions failed me. This has been (and still is as Thursdays are my busiest days) a busy and difficult week. As it is, my weekly online journaling for one of my classes completely slipped my mind for the past two weeks. I even get motivational points toward my grade for that one! I didn't sleep in my own home a couple nights this week, the children were terrors in my class one of those days, yesterday I was sick, and today is Thursday (my longest, hardest day). Usually by Thursday I am done living. Fridays are better. My students do centers, which are mostly fun, I see my girls I nanny, and the week leaves me in one long Exhale.

I'm supposed to be at the school in 10 minutes or so. I still need to dry my hair, brush my teeth, put on make-up, find my shoes...

Vanity

I can’t seem to get my hair done. I’ve been attempting it for over a month now. Part of the problem lies in the fact that I’m distracted with other things, and part with the busyness of schedules. I called my hairdresser, who is also my good friend, in August, but she was on vacation. I got busy with the semester. Then I talked to her a week or two ago. I got busy with some class projects. Then I talked to her yesterday. Then I called and left a message today. There is still no date for a hair appointment. She is the mother of three young children. I am a full-time college student with a part-time job and part-time internship. Needless to say we’re having a little difficulty negotiating schedules.

I’m about to go crazy. My hair is driving me nuts. I simply need a cut and low-lights. On Saturday I went to have my eyebrows and upper lip waxed, which puts the pain and price of beauty into perspective very quickly, but the studio’s schedule was all full for the day. So now here I sit in my tower, an ugly hag, waiting to be rescued by a capable beautician.

If I can’t get my beauty appointment, I have only one course of action open to me: Redefine the Standard of Beauty!

Look out!

(Don't laugh because this may happen to you one day, and you will think back to this post, feel guilty for laughing, and regret it. )

Bring Me the Sky!

I flew an airplane this weekend! I flew in a couple circles like a big lazy bird and then in a nice straight line (following a ribbon of road beneath me), until I finally gave the controls back to the pilot. It was quite a breathless feeling. Sorta like I couldn't breathe. It was very exciting!

I hung out with Daniel, who was home from Africa en route to Afghanistan, and Issy, both old friends from my TM Texas days. I spent a little time driving around in Holland trying to figure out where the heck I was going in the middle of a rain storm with Daniel giving me orders from the passenger seat. I was driving like a bat out of Hades and almost caused an accident once or twice, but I really can't take all the blame. I was excited to see my friend, more intent on catching up, and talking on the cell to organize our plans with our other friends. I imagine my friends think I'm an insane driver, but I really am not. It's just when you combine friends, a new city, rain, and cell phones that things get a little hairy.

Actually, I did a better job of flying the airplane than driving my car.

The Lady of Shalott

…Four grey walls, and four grey towers, Overlook a space of flowers, And the silent isle imbowers The Lady of Shalott…

…There she weaves by night and day A magic web with colours gay. She has heard a whisper say, A curse is on her if she stay To look down to Camelot. She knows not what the curse may be, And so she weaveth steadily, And little other care hath she, The Lady of Shalott.
And moving through a mirror clear That hangs before her all the year, Shadows of the world appear. There she sees the highway near Winding down to Camelot;…

…And sometimes through the mirror blue The knights come riding two and two. She hath no loyal Knight and true, The Lady of Shalott…

…"I am half sick of shadows," said The Lady of Shalott…

…She left the web, she left the loom, She made three paces through the room, She saw the water-lily bloom, She saw the helmet and the plume, She look'd down to Camelot. Out flew the web and floated wide; The mirror crack'd from side to side; "The curse is come upon me," cried The Lady of Shalott…



…Down she came and found a boat Beneath a willow left afloat, And around about the prow she wrote The Lady of Shalott…

…And at the closing of the day She loosed the chain, and down she lay; The broad stream bore her far away, The Lady of Shalott…





Excerpts taken From Lord Alfred Tennyson's "The Lady of Shalott".

The Lady of Shalott was locked in a tower. She was cursed in that she could never look directly out the window. Everything she saw happening outside was through a reflection in the mirror, which she in turn weaved into her web. One day, however, she noticed Sir Lancelott and the sight of him caused her to leave her weaving and look out the window. Immediately the curse befell her. She knew it, and left the tower, floating down the river in a boat as she slowly died.

Too Much to Think About

I have too much to think about. I actually get lost sometimes because one thing will lead to the thought or inspiration of another thing and I'll get distracted from what I'm doing. I think it has to do with the intense focus of the Education Program. Sometimes I'm just mentally exhausted. I can only drive so hard for so long. I got a free book the other day. For my future classroom. Ok, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, too much to think about. Not hard, just a lot... a lot all at once...a lot to process...a lot to organize...a lot to think about, and plan ahead about...and I know I'm rambling, but this is all that's left of my poor emaciated mental capabilities.

The kids in my class are great.
My classes are great.
My cooperating teacher is great.
My homework is great.
And life is just doggone great.

227 Days and Counting.

A Momentous Occasion, Cause for Celebration

Today is a day of Reckoning for two reasons (hmmm, there’s that number again!). The first, being Teacher Assisting in my class of 22 fifth graders. Overall it was a good experience. I didn’t do much besides observe and take copious notes on all the morning’s activities. The difficulty in observation comes from trying to document the events without being clouded by personal judgments of those events. Personal judgments can rob a person of a true perspective of what is really going on. In order to observe as an insider rather than an outsider, I must document only facts and strings of conversation, and return to those raw observations to record my thoughts, feelings, and impressions of what occurred. That is the theory anyway.

I think this will be a good group of kids to work with and learn from as a future teacher. I really do love being in the classroom. I only had one sketchy moment while I attempted to help some poor girl attach her stretchy book cover over a beat up math book. I think it was too small. It really took some elbow grease, and I attracted a small crowd of children each with a brainy idea on how to get it on. I finally realized that I was in danger of destroying school property and gave up. The temptation to be a hero always must be weighed against the loss of dignity. This particular scenario was much too risky.

The second reason for us to Reckon this day is that it is September 5, 2006, the day LOST: Season Two hits stores. Yes, I have it already. After my lunch with the other teachers (to which I was personally invited), I rushed right over to Best Buy and bought it. For all the hardcore fans out there, I will pass along the new knowledge which I have gleaned from the exclusive bonus features.

Two new websites for the LOST fanatic: The ‘Lost’ Notebook is a plethora of collected facts, and The Fuselage is the official website of the Creative Team of the LOST show. You can check them out as you catch up on season 2 (or 1 if you’re that far behind) and gear up for season three.

Hasn’t this been a nice day?!

*edit And Daniel called from Africa!!!

Hop On the Merry-Go-Round

Have you ever sat around thinking and reflecting? Minutes turn into hours, hours into days, days into months. You stir and realize that nothing has really changed or been accomplished except that you are now frustrated and in a bad mood. I’ve never been so glad in my life to pull out of a season of reflection and rest than this one. I welcome the busy schedule, the balancing act of assignments and due dates, the research to conduct, the papers to write, the lessons to plan, the projects to execute. My mind will be busy on things that matter (and that I can actually DO something about) and I will once again be moving in some clear direction.

Most of all I will be distracted from the fact that I am steadily moving ever closer to the edge of the unknown. There has always been a plan, a next step, a clear direction of what I should do and where I should go. All that will disappear for me quite soon. I suppose everyone comes to that day at some point in their lives. You arrive there at the edge, but really every choice has lead there. It is the feeling of a free fall. I hope I will be brave enough to dive headfirst over that edge when the moment comes. Maybe something will be there to catch me.

This week I went to class, a Doctors appt., and a CPR/First Aid training. Next week I will start Teacher Assisting, go back to work, and begin assignments. I am so glad I had a week to get into my class schedule before adding assisting and work. I will be observing for the first few days in my 5th grade class I think. I have to draw a map of the classroom and list demographics for one of my classes. That will be my focus for the first couple days.

I have all my classes except one in town and will carpool with my dear friend Angela for the one in GV. Now that I’m in the College of Education the pool of people is much smaller. I know almost everyone in all my classes. The three classes in town are filled with all the same people because everyone wants to save themselves the commute to GV. I’ve never had three classes with all the same people. It got a little tedious when all three professors asked us to share an interesting fact and we had to think up a new fact for each class so we wouldn’t sound boring!

That does it for the boring life update. Consider yourself in the loop.

One and the Same

The End.

Over, Finished, Done.
Leaving, Good-byeing, Moving on.
Starting, Expecting, Looking ahead.
New, Unseen, Future.

The Beginning.

The end leads to a new beginning, to an end, to a beginning,to an end...