I hate sin so much! It robs, and kills and destroys. I hate it in myself and in others. We live in such a fallen world. I see it everywhere I look. The effects are devastating. I find myself longing for heaven in moments like these. I keep hearing in my mind, "What can we do about this?" I know the answer is the blood of Jesus, but we still have to deal with the consequences. Much of our problem I think is that we try so hard to meet our own needs and take care of things ourselves. If we would just turn things over to God, we wouldn't struggle so much. I'm so sick of the never- ending struggle.

My heart is sad today because I have seen a friend broken by this struggle against sin. Fallen to the demons that haunt him. I see reflected my own weaknesses and failures and I think to myself, "Is my sin any less devastating than his just because it is not as seen, and felt, and heard?" I think that is what is so hurtful to me. To know that I am no less guilty. To know that my hands are no cleaner. I stand no taller than anyone else. I guess I have no real answers. All I know is that I must cling to the grace of God. There are no answers...but there must be.

My cousin Rebekah (on the left) and I hit the waves of lake Michigan earlier this week. We had such a blast! In September we will be getting bigger waves! To see another picture click on Rebekah's underlined name in the chatterbox to the left. 

Hey everyone! I have had an awesome week. Yes, I went surfing! My crazy cousin and I hit the waves earlier this week. The waves were a little puny, but we had a blast and boarded for a good hour. If you would like to see a picture click on Rebekah's name that is underlined in my chatterbox to the left. Thanks cuz, you rock! I'm going to try snowboarding this winter too. I bought a board and boots and bindings on Sunday. I have a little over $400 worth of stuff that I got on sale for $111.06. In am so stoked!

My modem on my laptop is broke so I need to get it fixed and is one of the reasons I haven't blogged in awhile. I am at Grand Valley right now. I have a 9:30-10:50 math class and then nothing till 3 pm. My math class went really well and I am so relieved! I got to talk with my prof. and she is very nice. Thank you Jesus! I have a long day today. Mondays are my heavy days, ending at almost 10 pm. I had a neat experience just after class. I prayed yesterday and asked God to help me to be more compassionate and give me opportunities to be so. As I was walking down the hall, I noticed a blind girl with her stick frantically feeling the wall and toward the door. I stopped and asked her if I could help. She turned to me with a cell phone to her ear and a panicked look on her face and desperately asked what room she was standing at. I told her and then asked what room she was looking for. She hung up her phone and I told her I would take her there. I watched her panic melt away! I talked with her and let her know the classes were on the left and the offices were on the right. I was so thatnkful to God afterwards because I realized that was an answer to my prayer.

My brother's wedding was wonderful. I sang my song and it went very well. Something happens to me when I sing in front of people. I get a confidence and an anointing that blows my mind. Practice can go terribly but, when it comes time to do it the anointing comes. I caught the boquet! I have never cought it in my life, but at my brother's wedding. I was nearly hysterical with pride and joy. So, I'm next then? I need a bit of lunch. I love you all.

I'm feeling a little tired tonight. I ordered a half a wrap at the yacht club today. I order that more than anything else. Last week I ordered it and a new girl with brown hair took my order. She made me a "smaller wrap" but more than half and charged me a dollar more than I normally pay. I paid because she had made it larger. This week I ordered a half and the girl working with her (who was conferring with her on how to make it) came out with a whole wrap and declared they didn't make them in half. I stared at her open mouthed and said that I had been eating them that way for three years now. The brown haired girl told me they weren't doing that this year although for the past three weeks I've gotten them that way. So I paid a whole $4.50 for a wrap, half of which I could not eat and ended up spoiling while we were at the beach later. I was so upset. It wasn't right. I don't know what is so hard about making half a wrap for a customer.

I have made a covenant to praise God in all things so: Thank you God for this new girl who refused to sell me half a wrap. I thank you that you have brought her across my path. May you bring out of this situation what you want.

I worshipped the Lord in an odd way a few days ago, but I felt the Lord asking me to do it. I worshipped him by vacuuming my room! As I was praying and worshipping, I was looking down at the floor and it was so dirty. I heard a lie that it didn't matter. Then I felt the Lord ask me to clean it for Him, to honor him by doing that - It was worship to Him. As I prepared to vacuum, the Spirit of the Lord came upon me. I began to weep and pray saying, "I will honor you, I will obey you and choose you. I will submit to your ways. I will serve you. I will LIVE for you ( and all that I do in living). I will LIVE for you!"

I realized that His desire is that I live for him. The act of living is worship and honor to Him. Just Living for Him. I wept. I had been struggling with hoplessness and despairing of my life, but He asks that I live FOR Him. I can also see how living, the simple act that I am alive right now, is a disgrace to the devil and he would deceive me into giving up my life.

I got the vacuum and worshipped as I cleaned. Now for the amazing part. The next day my mom and I went to the store to get some blinds for my bedroom window. (One had broken down and I had just a sheet hanging over the window). They were having a huge sale. I got some wooden blinds (which I've always wanted) and some leopard print curtains with a center drape that has a little golden elephant on it. We would have spent $400, but because of the sale we got it for much, much less. I also got one of those cool nets that hang from the ceiling over the bed! My obedience in worshipping the Lord as I did allowed me to be blessed. Not only that, I felt a hope in my heart that I have not felt in nearly 8 months.

My God is a good God and if you don't know Him then you are missing out terribly. He is so REAL. Obedience to Him does not result in death, but in blessing. There is no other way to interpret what I have experienced here.

Two Saturdays ago we had a bridal shower for De'in who is marrying my cousin Bub this fall. Bub has been in Cali for quite awhile now. De'in lives there as well. Rebekah wore a shirt that said "De'in for a day" and opened all her gifts for the video. We made vintage jewelry for her and then called her on the phone so everyone could have a chance to say hi to her. We had been working on the jewelry for awhile when the smoke alarm started going off. Aunt Cathy said, "Why is the smoke alarm going off?" I was sitting next to Rebekah. She turned to me and said thoughtfully, "I hope my room isn't on fire."

"Why? Do you have candles burning?" I asked. (Both her and I are into that). She didn't answer me, but got up and headed for the stairs. Aunt Cath had already decsended and was on her way back up screaming, "Fire! Rebekah, your room is on fire!" Pandemonium broke out. People started running, dumping chips out of bowls to fill with water, grabing the fire extinguisher, running up and down the stairs, and screaming and yelling. I was one of the first to the basement, hot on my cousin's heels. I entered her room and gaped as I looked in the top of her dresser. It was engulfed in flames! Rebekah pointed the extinguisher at the fire. One small pull was enough to put it out. Immediately smoke billowed up and rolled in waves across her ceiling. I stood amazed at this for a moment and then realized we would need ventilation. I ran to the window and began pushing on it. The others were racing to remove the smoldering embers of what had once been Rebekah's candle display. It took a few minutes for the window to slide. Once I had finished that, I raced upstairs for the video camera. I got the tail end of the excitement forever recorded. The smoke was terrible. It was worse than the fire. It burned my throat and forced me to cough. It was intoxicating.

That was probably the most exciting shower I've ever been to! We all agreed. Thank God for smoke alarms. If it hadn't gone off the whole basement would have been on fire before any of us had realized it!

Tuesday, July 19

Today was a crazy day! I cooked a pizza for Mary and I. After about 8 minutes in the Oven, I heard a snapping, exploding noise coming from the inside the oven. I turned and could see a white flashing light through the little window on the oven door. I opened the door and, to my horror, saw sparks and white hot fire near the back of the oven. My panicked mind envisioned the house burning down. I turned the oven off and stood shaking as I watched the fire die out. Thankfully, Mary had been upstairs this whole time getting dressed. I put a note on the oven saying "Do not use!", and heated the pizza in the microwave to warm it up a little more. I stayed late because Ken's case went over in court. He dragged himself in the door and then I broke the bad news about the oven. I left and a couple blocks down my car died! The battery light and brake light had come on a couple of days before, so I wasn't completely surprised. I walked back to the house and again broke the bad news. I called a tow truck and rode Maria's bike down to my car to wait. I had only a little cash on me, so I borrowed the $60 from Ken. Talk about a bad day! It was kind of an adventure though!

Wednesday, July 20

While sitting near the pool while the girls swam, the shop called and told me my car was ready. I was able to take the spare car Ken and Maria keep for such emergencies, so I drove that for a day. It amazes me how much the girls love my little car, my "baby doll". I think they have memories of our summers together in it and that makes it special to them. As we were heading to the yacht club, about to get into the spare, Katie sighed and said, "Oh, this is too hard! I want your car back." Then when we got into the car she said, "Ugh, the smell of this car makes me sick!". I just chuckled to myself. When Ken came home I called the shop and told them we would be by to pick up my car. We all piled into the car and raced there before they closed. My little car was ready. It was the alternator and cost about $196. I was amazed at how perfectly everything worked out with my car. It didn't break down on the way to or from the yacht club when I had Mary. It broke down when I was within walking distance of the house and Ken drove home in the spare because his car was in the shop which enabled me to have a vehicle.

That night there was no practice, but Barak wanted me to help him lead worship for the youth. There were hardly any kids there (most were at camp), but it was fun. I really do love singing and leading worship. Even the hard and stressful times are good. I still feel satisfied even if I've just sweat bullets. It must be the grace of God.

Thursday, July 21

... is just a blip in my memory.

Friday, July 22

I was very lazy this morning. I went for a two mile hike at the state park and communed with nature. Unfortunately, nature was a little violent today! Once I made it to the beach and sat down to rest and enjoy the view, I slowly became aware that there was an unusual amount of bees. Yellow Jackets and Bumble Bees. I quickly got up and "high-tailed" it out of there. In my haste I ran through a spider's web, the center part (I felt it's thickness and heard it rip). It was disgusting! My heart was pounding and my blood pumping. It was wonderful! As terrorizing as it was I would much rather experience that than be bored.

Some time has passed since I last sat and filled you in on the interesting points of my life. Today, however, your suspense will end. (Ahem!). Lessons at the Yacht Club have begun. Mary is in level 3 swimming and Katie is taking sailing lessons again. We had lunch there, and ice cream of course. We stayed for the open swim and tragically my hair has turned GREEN! Yes, I forgot that I recently had some lovely highlights put in. They aren't very lovely anymore. It isn't extremely bad, but bad enough. I think they just have an extremely high content of chlorine in their pool.

It was very peaceful at the Yacht Club this morning. There was a misty fog that shrouded the trees on the other side of the lake and mingled with the light gray clouding in the sky. The tall masts of sailboats anchored in the water swayed in a breeze that tempted them to abandon their posts and set sail. The building itself is just over one hundred years old. The inside is made with wood that still has the hint and scent of the forest that they came from. A white balcony overlooks the docks and pool. The experience left me inspired. It is good to stop and breathe in one's surroundings now and again! Find a moment to do that for yourself today.

Two Sundays have past since I started to lead worship on Sunday nights. It has gone very well, although Christian has abandoned me twice now. Mrs. Hall, my old teacher and friend, has been playing the keyboard for me. She really is wonderful. She only knows older songs though, so we've been pulling out the oldies. I don't mind too much, but it is a little uncomfortable.

Did I mention my hair is GREEN!

Mon Cherea
Saturday was Cherea's wedding. It was simple, but very nice. Everything flowed smoothly and quickly which I was very happy about. It was extremely hot though! The reception hall had no A/C, my car has no A/C, and our dresses were hot and tight (making it difficult to breathe). By the time I got to the reception I felt like I was going to pass out. I downed as many cold glasses of punch as I could. Cherea was a beautiful bride and I am so happy for her. It will probably be a long time until I see her again since she has left for her new home in S. Dakota.

Angie's Shower
Planning is going well for my soon-to-be sister-in-law's bridal shower. I love planning party's with my cousin! We sent the invites out. We are doing a calender party, where each guest gets a month and brings a gift that she could use in that month. We tried to be clear in the wording, but I've already heard some confusion from people. A couple of people thought that they are to bring a gift to Ang in that month of the year. I quickly set them straight and prayed the others will get it. I'm really hoping people will be creative and make it fun.

Worship
Starting next Sunday night I will be the sole worship leader for the evening service. Barak is going to head up the evangelism team which will meet on Sunday nights. I'm excited for him because I know evangelism is really his heart. I think it will be so refreshing for him to do something different. He will be meeting with Christian, Jaime, and Anthony to work on music since they are a little unfamiliar with some of the songs.

I am so glad I have Christian! He saved my life last October when Barak was in the Bahamas for three weeks. He is a good guitar player, young enough to learn and grow, but he has his own band and does shows, so he is also experienced enough to lead the band. Jamie plays the bass and he can step in if Lori is gone or helping Barak. Anthony has only played with us a few times. He plays the electric guitar which we like in many of our songs. Both Jamie and Anthony have played (or still play) in the youth band.

I will propbably meet with them too. I want them to feel comfortable working with me as well as me working with them. I want to get to know them a little better and let them get to know me. I want them to be comfortable with my leadership. I think that would be so much easier if we are working together before hand. I'm really hoping this will be a smooth transition. I also want Barak to feel like I am taking on the responsibility of Sunday nights. I want to take the weight off his shoulders so he can focus on evangelism. He will have to invest a little time in us to get us off the ground, but he has proved to me that he is amazing at that (I am proof of that!).

I have had a revelation today! This evening, at the end of the service, we were all praying up front and I prayed quietly to the Lord, " Lord, strip away everything that is not of you." I have prayed this prayer many times before. Suddenly, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that this is what the Lord has been trying to do in me. I have been fighting the Lord on it and becoming angry and bitter at him for taking certain things, or not allowing me to have certain desires in my heart. Yet, I have asked him to do this very thing. He, like the loving Father that he is, is trying to do this work in me because I have asked him to, and because he wants to make me into a better person, into the woman he has created me to be! I confessed this fault, this sin, in my heart and immediately felt cleaner and lighter in my heart which confirmed that I had truly heard the right thing from the Lord! I praise God for this so much because this is the vision I needed. I NOW see and understand! Praise God!