I hate sin so much! It robs, and kills and destroys. I hate it in myself and in others. We live in such a fallen world. I see it everywhere I look. The effects are devastating. I find myself longing for heaven in moments like these. I keep hearing in my mind, "What can we do about this?" I know the answer is the blood of Jesus, but we still have to deal with the consequences. Much of our problem I think is that we try so hard to meet our own needs and take care of things ourselves. If we would just turn things over to God, we wouldn't struggle so much. I'm so sick of the never- ending struggle.

My heart is sad today because I have seen a friend broken by this struggle against sin. Fallen to the demons that haunt him. I see reflected my own weaknesses and failures and I think to myself, "Is my sin any less devastating than his just because it is not as seen, and felt, and heard?" I think that is what is so hurtful to me. To know that I am no less guilty. To know that my hands are no cleaner. I stand no taller than anyone else. I guess I have no real answers. All I know is that I must cling to the grace of God. There are no answers...but there must be.

My cousin Rebekah (on the left) and I hit the waves of lake Michigan earlier this week. We had such a blast! In September we will be getting bigger waves! To see another picture click on Rebekah's underlined name in the chatterbox to the left. 

Hey everyone! I have had an awesome week. Yes, I went surfing! My crazy cousin and I hit the waves earlier this week. The waves were a little puny, but we had a blast and boarded for a good hour. If you would like to see a picture click on Rebekah's name that is underlined in my chatterbox to the left. Thanks cuz, you rock! I'm going to try snowboarding this winter too. I bought a board and boots and bindings on Sunday. I have a little over $400 worth of stuff that I got on sale for $111.06. In am so stoked!

My modem on my laptop is broke so I need to get it fixed and is one of the reasons I haven't blogged in awhile. I am at Grand Valley right now. I have a 9:30-10:50 math class and then nothing till 3 pm. My math class went really well and I am so relieved! I got to talk with my prof. and she is very nice. Thank you Jesus! I have a long day today. Mondays are my heavy days, ending at almost 10 pm. I had a neat experience just after class. I prayed yesterday and asked God to help me to be more compassionate and give me opportunities to be so. As I was walking down the hall, I noticed a blind girl with her stick frantically feeling the wall and toward the door. I stopped and asked her if I could help. She turned to me with a cell phone to her ear and a panicked look on her face and desperately asked what room she was standing at. I told her and then asked what room she was looking for. She hung up her phone and I told her I would take her there. I watched her panic melt away! I talked with her and let her know the classes were on the left and the offices were on the right. I was so thatnkful to God afterwards because I realized that was an answer to my prayer.

My brother's wedding was wonderful. I sang my song and it went very well. Something happens to me when I sing in front of people. I get a confidence and an anointing that blows my mind. Practice can go terribly but, when it comes time to do it the anointing comes. I caught the boquet! I have never cought it in my life, but at my brother's wedding. I was nearly hysterical with pride and joy. So, I'm next then? I need a bit of lunch. I love you all.

I'm feeling a little tired tonight. I ordered a half a wrap at the yacht club today. I order that more than anything else. Last week I ordered it and a new girl with brown hair took my order. She made me a "smaller wrap" but more than half and charged me a dollar more than I normally pay. I paid because she had made it larger. This week I ordered a half and the girl working with her (who was conferring with her on how to make it) came out with a whole wrap and declared they didn't make them in half. I stared at her open mouthed and said that I had been eating them that way for three years now. The brown haired girl told me they weren't doing that this year although for the past three weeks I've gotten them that way. So I paid a whole $4.50 for a wrap, half of which I could not eat and ended up spoiling while we were at the beach later. I was so upset. It wasn't right. I don't know what is so hard about making half a wrap for a customer.

I have made a covenant to praise God in all things so: Thank you God for this new girl who refused to sell me half a wrap. I thank you that you have brought her across my path. May you bring out of this situation what you want.

I worshipped the Lord in an odd way a few days ago, but I felt the Lord asking me to do it. I worshipped him by vacuuming my room! As I was praying and worshipping, I was looking down at the floor and it was so dirty. I heard a lie that it didn't matter. Then I felt the Lord ask me to clean it for Him, to honor him by doing that - It was worship to Him. As I prepared to vacuum, the Spirit of the Lord came upon me. I began to weep and pray saying, "I will honor you, I will obey you and choose you. I will submit to your ways. I will serve you. I will LIVE for you ( and all that I do in living). I will LIVE for you!"

I realized that His desire is that I live for him. The act of living is worship and honor to Him. Just Living for Him. I wept. I had been struggling with hoplessness and despairing of my life, but He asks that I live FOR Him. I can also see how living, the simple act that I am alive right now, is a disgrace to the devil and he would deceive me into giving up my life.

I got the vacuum and worshipped as I cleaned. Now for the amazing part. The next day my mom and I went to the store to get some blinds for my bedroom window. (One had broken down and I had just a sheet hanging over the window). They were having a huge sale. I got some wooden blinds (which I've always wanted) and some leopard print curtains with a center drape that has a little golden elephant on it. We would have spent $400, but because of the sale we got it for much, much less. I also got one of those cool nets that hang from the ceiling over the bed! My obedience in worshipping the Lord as I did allowed me to be blessed. Not only that, I felt a hope in my heart that I have not felt in nearly 8 months.

My God is a good God and if you don't know Him then you are missing out terribly. He is so REAL. Obedience to Him does not result in death, but in blessing. There is no other way to interpret what I have experienced here.

Two Saturdays ago we had a bridal shower for De'in who is marrying my cousin Bub this fall. Bub has been in Cali for quite awhile now. De'in lives there as well. Rebekah wore a shirt that said "De'in for a day" and opened all her gifts for the video. We made vintage jewelry for her and then called her on the phone so everyone could have a chance to say hi to her. We had been working on the jewelry for awhile when the smoke alarm started going off. Aunt Cathy said, "Why is the smoke alarm going off?" I was sitting next to Rebekah. She turned to me and said thoughtfully, "I hope my room isn't on fire."

"Why? Do you have candles burning?" I asked. (Both her and I are into that). She didn't answer me, but got up and headed for the stairs. Aunt Cath had already decsended and was on her way back up screaming, "Fire! Rebekah, your room is on fire!" Pandemonium broke out. People started running, dumping chips out of bowls to fill with water, grabing the fire extinguisher, running up and down the stairs, and screaming and yelling. I was one of the first to the basement, hot on my cousin's heels. I entered her room and gaped as I looked in the top of her dresser. It was engulfed in flames! Rebekah pointed the extinguisher at the fire. One small pull was enough to put it out. Immediately smoke billowed up and rolled in waves across her ceiling. I stood amazed at this for a moment and then realized we would need ventilation. I ran to the window and began pushing on it. The others were racing to remove the smoldering embers of what had once been Rebekah's candle display. It took a few minutes for the window to slide. Once I had finished that, I raced upstairs for the video camera. I got the tail end of the excitement forever recorded. The smoke was terrible. It was worse than the fire. It burned my throat and forced me to cough. It was intoxicating.

That was probably the most exciting shower I've ever been to! We all agreed. Thank God for smoke alarms. If it hadn't gone off the whole basement would have been on fire before any of us had realized it!